How to Manage Your Own Expectations

I remember in high school, I was on the train ride back home with a good friend of mine. He was all excited to show me this new "theory" that he came up with. It basically went like this: expectation and happiness have a strange relationship. The greater your expectation, the more extreme your happiness/disappointment is with the result. And likewise, the lower your expectation, the less you will be moved by reality. Through some logic and "math," he concluded that it was in our best interest to never have high expectations but to level them off in order to protect ourselves from these roller coaster emotions.

I replied with, "if two people are in a relationship without any expectations of each other...the relationship will eventually go nowhere. Expectations are necessary risks to make for that potential of happiness." And with that, our conversation ended.

But even after that, I always battled with myself to maintain that perfect balance of expectations. When to hold back, and when to pursue more. It was a very delicate balance and often times, in relationships or in career directions, I would be left disappointed and unhappy. I never thought that there could be another way to view this idea of expectations and reality. But then I realized that at the core of it...disappointment stems from when our reality doesn't meet our expectations. So maybe the issue isn't about our expectations but our perception of reality.

The other day I was reading a book called "Emotional Equations," that talked about just that. We think that reality is set and it's not something that we can change. However, if we think about it, our perception of reality really skews everything for us -- even whether we will feel happy or upset over a situation. For example, let's take the Olympics, most bronze winners are happier than silver medalists. But both athletes expected and worked to win gold so their expectations were the exact same. The paradox lies in the idea of counter factual thinking. Silvers measure themselves upwards and compare themselves to the golds, while bronzes measures downwards to those who win no medal at all. So interestingly, "It's not our expectations that we need to curb; it's out sense of entitlement that leads is to be bitterly disappointed."

In another scenario: normally, we would be happy if we've gotten a 5% raise but if we find that our co-workers received 10%, our happiness for our accomplishment is decreased. Now it's clear that it's not about lowering expectations but about controlling our perception. To me, this leads back to the idea of gratitude. Always be grateful and appreciative to the opportunities and people that we are blessed with. This doesn't mean we need to live a stagnant life where we no longer seek more and more. We should continuously try to better ourselves, but it's just as important to be happy with who we are in the now.


Carol

Follow your Passion

When people talk about passion and dreams, it almost seems to be an empty word. What does passion really mean? How does it really feel like? I think a lot of people say things like “follow your passion,” without acknowledge that most people do not have an idea of what that may be. How do we lead people to find something that makes them excited to get up in the morning and carry through the day?

I think it lies in the fact that life is short. We think that we can “waste” a few years doing what we don’t love so that we can spend the rest of life doing what we do. We are easily enticed by routine - it is safe, and it is comfortable. We live in this bubble of a routine lifestyle and is content with it. Routine is a very attractive place for most people who are afraid of change and like to be in control. And in this place, we forget that …we really are seeking more. I think deep down we all want and desire something (knowingly or not) that inspires us, that makes us want to better ourselves, that makes us giddy and child-like. Something that strikes a chord and moves us to want to make the world a little more beautiful. 

I think it’s important to remind people that life is what you make of it. It’s not about getting by, it’s about being in. Being in the present, in the experience. I think those are times we reflect upon and feel most alive. So go against the norm. Go searching. It’s scary and it may break the rules a bit. But explore within yourself and out in the world. There is much to see even in your own home. You will find your passion in the corner of a music shop, or in the doctor office downtown. Wherever it’s hiding, it’s waiting to be brought to life. 

So Live. Do that by surrounding yourself with people who push you and inspire you. Live by seeing the same streets in new light, with different angles, and a fresh pair of eyes. Be brought to your senses by experiencing, seeking, and learning. Always and constantly learning. You will be a fool to think that you know all there is to know about this life. “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.”


Carol

Two things I learned from my summer internship

As promised, I'm going to dedicate a post to talk about my internship this past summer at Tribal DDB. I did something a little similar last summer when I wrote about my experience at a start-up company.

I think what really defined my internship this summer were the people. I know it's a little generic to say people, but after being here I've learned that there are two things that make a workplace worth committing to: good people and good work. Actually I can't take credit for this point. When I was speaking to one of people in the senior level at my company he told me that if you have 2 out of 3 things at your future job, it is worth staying at. The last thing was money. (I'm still struggling to find how important money will factor into my career.)

But let me continue about good people and good work. Good work is defined by responsibilities that will challenge me to think and to want to learn. Good work pushes me to be a better professional. I can't imagine working on a project that makes me feel lifeless and boring. So to me, good work is challenging but necessary.

Onto my second point: your co-workers can change the entire environment and your whole experience at a workplace. I never expected to build such strong relationships with my fellow interns -- to the point that I feel like I'll be missing something in my life now that I won't see them every single day. And if given the opportunity, I know I will love working with them in the future (even though we are all going our separate career paths..for now). They reminded me of the ambition and drive necessary on the road to success. And then the empathy and positive attitude that will get me there. It's not about stepping on other people to get to the top, it's about being genuine and personable.

Overall, I had a wonderful experience this summer. I've learned a lot about what I want (or don't want), and I'm excited for next semester to see where life takes me next!

Carol

Summer Reflections

I'm excited for the rest of my life to begin. I love whenever I get this feeling.

Tomorrow is the last day of my summer internship. It's been an amazing experience and I will definitely elaborate in a future (and near) post. But for now, here is a video that sums up my summer in a nut shell.

Bicycles + New York City + Finding your passion + Good people = Carol's summer

Life is short. Do what you love and do it often. 

Carol